Didnt know you knew this address. Didnt know it was still on some friend's blogs..

Maybe its just me but every time I think of you, I find myself slapping myself. It doesn't hurt, but the thought of you is just haunting. Can't get you out of my head even if I try my very best.

Was just reading a friend's blog the other day and it reminded me so much of how I used to feel over you. And how you're feeling now is how i used to feel about you. How confusing is that. I wish i could just tell you that everything will be alright and someone would come into your life again and make everything better when you least expect it. Maybe the trick is to stop looking for that special someone. Maybe the trick is to just wait and let life be as it is. Maybe just not expect anything so you won't get disappointed. But i wont. cause I do not want to meddle. Its already as screwed up as it is.. I don't want to be caught in the middle. I know this is the selfish side of me speaking but if you were in my shoes, you'd feel the same way too. 

Sometimes I feel I'm not a good enough friend for anyone. I only talk to you when I'm interested to know you better. And for some friends, I might as well be known as a fair-weathered friend. You hear stories about those kind of people and I promised myself never to be one. But here I am stuck in the present. 

Maybe he is right. I treat you like a special friend. Not in a 'I like you' kind of way, but in a 'as long as you're alright, i'll be alright' kind of way. And if you're not alright, I'd have to find a way to make you alright. I would do things for you I would never do for a normal friend. Like pick you up from the airport at 6 in the morning or accompany you anywhere. Maybe this is how its meant to be. Me always loving you more, always treasuring you more. even as a friend. Maybe this is how its suppose to be.. 

Hello my baby (: i love you! 

helloo (: i think i wanna come back to blog here cause its been stagnet for the past year and a half and hardly anyone comes here anymore! haha


so anyway, i've been missing singapore quite a bit recently. and honestly, i would shift back to melbourne if i could. its kate's and celina's birthdays this weekend and i wont be there to celebrate it with them ):

i've been missing you quite a bit recently. have been thinking about you ever since some mishap happened to my hedgehog and i cried! haha never told you that though. anyway, i wonder if you still keep all my letters from 3 years ago. i remember you telling me you still do once. cause i never told you that i did too. its just kept in a box and i dont dare look through it. for i fear the feelings that i've put behind me so long ago would come rushing back to me. i fell in love with your voice, with your words, with your touch, with the way you make me feel. and at times, apart of you still lingers around and i just smile. simply because you are my first love and i know it'll never be replaced by another. what we had was not perfect love. for we both wronged each other in many ways but it was the significant memories of us that made it impossible to forget.

Hello world. in case you guys dont know, most of my posts are in my xanga. i come here occasionally to post something random like this! haha. i cant bare to shut down this blog too. i've got too many memories stored in here. and those who know me, i'm a very sentimental person. (: anwyay, lets just say that things arent really going my way. and it kinda hurts. but i will be over it soon (:

www.xanga.com/kathilyn